小靜

地獄是迷信？

我在信主的道路上走了很久，最早是在2008年於北京。我兒子小學同學的媽媽是一位基督徒，我倆關係挺好的，有一天她很真誠地對我說：“我覺得你人挺好，不希望你死後下地獄，地獄很恐怖，有火丶有蟲子等等。” 我當時認為她是在講神話故事丶是迷信。但還是被她提到的“平安喜樂”而吸引，我還是跟她去了幾次在北京的教會。

神是造物主

2010年底我們家移民到美國落地波士頓。當時幫我們安頓的朋友夫婦是基督徒，他們非常友善。我們在美國的第一個聖誕節就是在教會度過的。這對夫婦是做物理科學研究的，是從中國大陸上完學來美國的。我好奇地問他們為什麼會信基督教，他們回答道：“越研究物理越覺得有造物主⸺神，後來發現耶和華就是這唯一的真神”。作為在無神論教育長大的我，當時認為科學和宗教是對立的，這番話讓我開始反思。

豐盛的佳餚

接著在2016年，張亞男姊妹帶我參加了由美恩師母帶領、兩週一次的查經學習小組。這個名為“豐盛小組”的查經學習，每次都讓我靈裡有所得著，而且姐妹們還會帶來自己拿手的美食，共享豐盛的午餐。我還參加過BSF的學習，最近又加入了Grace Chapel的婦女學習小組，我也有幸參加了清華和Julie在我們教會的受洗儀式。

佈道會決志

我是在2017年的一次佈道會上決志的。當時非常感動，就決志了。去年美恩師母從佛羅里達回來，我們小組聚會時，師母詢問了我們的個人願望。我毫不猶豫地回答道：“我希望在一年內受洗。” 感謝主，我知道是聖靈在做工，於是我報名參加了受洗班的學習。

認識真信仰

我可以說已經是一個老慕道友了。開始總覺得要把一切關於信仰的問題弄得清清楚楚才行。有人說：“你就信主吧，如果是真的，你就賺了，如果不是也沒有損失。”

我不想稀裡糊塗的信主，還有就是不理解罪。記得第一次參加在瑋瑋家的豐盛小組學習時，宋偉姊妹說：“要想信主，首先要認識到自己的罪。”聽完這句話，我當時感到很生氣，心想：“你有罪，我才沒罪呢！”。還有想用其它的愛好替代信仰，比如插花。

幾年前，在日本花藝課上，一位白人老太太同學知道我在學習聖經，她說日本花藝課就是她的聖經。當時我很吃驚，曾想過是否可以像她一樣將插花變成我的信仰。然而，這麼多年來，我的插花技巧雖然越來越高超，去年我的作品更在MFA的“Art in Bloom”展覽中得到了廣泛好評，但卻越來越感到愛好和成就並不能成為我的信仰，那種滿足只能持續幾天。

永生之喜悅

經過不斷地學習聖經、禱告和感受聖靈的引導，我經歷了許多重大的改變。從之前對病痛和死亡的極度恐懼，到現在知道了主耶穌救贖的奧秘，擁有了永生盼望的喜悅。當我想到死後將去天堂，與同樣信主的親戚和朋友相聚，這感覺太美好了。

我也從之前遇到自己無法解決的問題時的無助感中走出來了，現在我會向神禱告，相信“萬事效力，讓信主的人得益處”，並且知道“神給我們的試煉是我們能承受的”。我從之前不認罪，到現在知道是主耶穌用祂的寶血贖回了我們。“因為罪的工價乃是死，但神的恩賜是永生，在我們的主耶穌基督裡。”（羅馬書6:23）

愛神結果子

雖然我仍然有一些問題沒有確切的答案，但這些問題已經不再是我信主道路上的障礙了。我感謝主，並且感謝一直陪伴我的家人和朋友！我相信神的大愛，我要努力地去愛神愛人，去“愛人如己”（馬太福音19:19）丶“不要論斷別人”（馬太福音7:1）丶“生氣不要含怒到日落”（以弗所書4:26），“不要將善事行在人的前面”（馬太福音6:3），並結福音的果子和聖靈的果子。

作者於2023年5月在本教會受洗。

責任編輯： 蘇延芳丶楊曦文

Qingxuan

My Life Before Christ

I have always been curious about spirituality and have been exposed to Christianity previously through friends, books, Christian movies and a few visits to church.  Despite that, my heart was hard, and I could not feel the impulse to come to Christ back then. I also encountered a few Christians and attended church services a couple of times, but did not develop a good impression of Christians – I thought they were judgmental, exclusive, and sometimes even narrow-minded. At that time I was also reading the Bible literally and critically. 

How I Came to Christ

The first time my view of Christianity got changed was through my friend Songjie. Unlike Christians I encountered previously, she did not actively talk about Jesus, the Bible and her faith. Instead, she listened to my stories and struggles and then said, “I will pray for you,” which I found was remarkably beautiful.

Crisis Turned Into Opportunity

Then last year, I was struggling with neighbor disputes. I tried so hard, but nothing worked out.  I felt so helpless and desperate during that time. During the period of crisis, I was constantly crying, my heart was weak, and I almost fell into depression. Songjie, Christina and a lot of people prayed for me. And I got re-introduced to Christ, and started to come to church regularly. They carried me through, and I found hope and relief. I was able to read the Bible and see God in a new view, that God’s will is to mold people to be His faithful servants through obstacles and struggles.

The crisis of the past few months re-introduced me to God, and I saw my sins and arrogance from the past. I realized my gifts and talents are not for granted, but are instead His gift to lead me and prepare me to come to Him. I regained my strength and patience knowing that God has always been there for me. 

I was Ready

After a couple of months of fighting against neighbor issues, the landlord finally sent out a termination notice to ask my neighbors to move out. I know it is God whose hands are guiding this through. 

On the Sunday afternoon of February 19, I felt that my personal private tutor, the Holy Spirit, came to talk to me in pronounced words when Pastor Hsiao-Dun said, “May the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ, and the love of God, and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with you all from today to eternity.” I knew I was ready at that moment. In the following weeks, my green card was approved at an expedited speed.  I was touched when my prayer for Songjie’s green card was also answered in a way I never expected. 

He Brought Me Back

Looking back at the past few months’ struggles and experience, He prepared me, found me, and brought me back to become His child. He made me new! Today as I stand, I know His love is with me. He will continue to lead and mold me into His Purposes. I will follow Him and glorify His name! 

Qingxuan was baptized in April 2023.  She is part of the COM congregation.

Edited and translated into Chinese by Hei Man (Grace) Yeung

青璇

信主以前

我一直以來對靈性的事很好奇，所以曾經通過朋友、書籍、基督教電影和幾次去教堂的經驗接觸基督教。但是那時我的心是剛硬的，並沒有歸入基督的衝動。我也遇過幾位基督徒，並參加過幾次教會敬拜，然而我對基督徒並沒有良好的印象⸺我覺得他們愛論斷、排外，有時更心胸狹窄。當時我也會從字面上了解聖經，並加以批判。

改變看法

我第一次改變對基督教的看法，是因着我朋友潔潔的緣故。她與我之前遇到的基督徒不同，並沒有主動談論耶穌、聖經和她的信仰。反之她是聽了我的故事和掙扎後說：“我會為你祈禱”。我非常欣賞她的舉動。

危中轉機

時間轉到去年⸺那段時間我一直為鄰居糾紛而掙扎。雖然我作了諸多努力，但還是未能解決問題，所以我感到很無助和絕望。 在危機期間，我不斷哭泣丶內心虛弱，差點陷入抑鬱。潔潔丶雯雯和很多人為我禱告，使我重新認識基督,並開始定期來教會。 他們帶着我走過艱難的日子，讓我重新得到希望和解脫。我再次閱讀聖經並以新的角度了解上帝，明白到上帝會透過各種考驗來塑造人，使他們成為祂忠實的僕人。

過去幾個月的危機讓我重新認識了上帝。我看到我過去的罪惡和傲慢。我也意識到我的天賦和才能不是理所當然的，而是祂的禮物，可以帶領我並預備我去見祂。我知道上帝一直在我身邊，因此重新獲得了力量和耐心。

準備信主

經過幾個月的鄰居糾紛危機，房東終於向鄰居發出了終止合約通知，要求我的鄰居搬走。我知道是上帝在引導全件事。 

2月19日主日下午，當張孝惇牧師說：“願主耶穌基督的恩惠、父神的慈愛、聖靈的感動和交通常與你們同在，從今日直到永遠”的時候，我知道那一刻我已經準備好了。接下來幾週，我的綠卡以極快的速度獲批。當我為洁洁的綠卡祈禱時，也得到一種意想不到的方式回應，讓我很感動。

祂找到我

回顧過去幾個月的掙扎和經歷，祂預備了我丶找到我，使我成為祂的孩子。祂讓我煥然一新。今天我站着，因我知道祂的愛與我同在，祂會繼續引導和塑造我，使我達到祂賦予的目的。我會跟隨祂並榮耀祂的名!

作者於2023年4月受洗，現為城區會友。

責任編輯丶英譯中: 楊曦文

Minister Ruth Tao

Editor’s Note: The following article is the personal testimony of Minister Ruth Tao (Interim Girl’s Youth Minister), recently shared with our youths.

Greetings

Hello, everyone, my name is Ruth, and I am from China.  I just moved from Texas to Boston last August.  I lived in Texas for almost ten years. I recently graduated from Dallas Theological Seminary, and my husband and I got newly married eight months ago. I am the new Interim Girl’s Youth Minister, which means I am not the permanent youth minister, and it’s a short-term position.

I Know Nothing but Christ

Today, first of all, I would like to tell you a few of my stories. Secondly, like Paul said in 1 Cor 2:2, “For I resolved to know nothing while I was with you except Jesus Christ, and Him crucified! I am also convinced that, in my life, I know nothing but Jesus Christ.” I will explain to you why I quote this. 

In my life, I know nothing but Jesus Christ. I know you guys might want to say, “Come on!  This is the standard answer of Christians; I have heard that millions of times, and I can say that too.”  Yes, you are right, but the question is this: do we say this out of our heads to prove that we are Christians, or do we truly say this from the deepest parts of our hearts?

Adopted by a Godly Family

In the year that I was born, the one-child policy was strictly enforced in China; plus, my parents preferred having a boy over having a girl. So, before I was born, my mom met a family at church, and she said to them, “If it is a boy, we will keep him. But if it is a girl, do you want to adopt her?” Well, apparently, it was a girl.  I was given away on the first day I was born.

However, I am very thankful for that.  My adopted dad was a very godly man.  I used to see him kneel down to pray before he went to bed, and after dinner he would open a hymn book and sing songs to the Lord. I loved my adopted parents dearly. 

Being Rich Does Not Bring Happiness

However, when I was 6, for many reasons, I went back to my biological family.  Interestingly, it’s like a novel.  My adopted family was poor, and my biological family was quite rich.  My adopted family lived in a small apartment with poor conditions.  And my biological family already owned two big high-rise buildings.

I should have been happy to go live with my rich family, but I was so hurt and angry and I just wanted to be with my adopted parents, because where they were was my home. But I could not and I learned the first lesson in my life: being rich does not bring me happiness. My biological parents got divorced when I was 8, and after 2 years, I started to live with my dad and my dad remarried.  My dad and my stepmothers were not Christians, so it was hard to live with them.

Fame Cannot Satisfy Me

Another lesson I learned in my life is that fame cannot satisfy me. I do not know what they do in China now, but back when I was in middle school and high school, they ranked the students after every mid-term and final exam.  These rankings determine where you go for high school and college. 

Because of my musical talents, I went to the best high school and one of the top colleges in my province. And after I graduated, I became a public high school teacher. In China, people love working in the public sector, because it is stable and has the best benefits.  While I was working, I won a lot of awards both for singing and teaching, and the choir I was in won a national gold prize award.  But all these successes did not bring me joy and strength, and my heart was not satisfied. 

Lots of Questions About Life

The painful things that happened to me in my formative years left me with a lot of questions about my life, such as:

“Why do these things happen to me?”

“Who am I”

“Why am I here on the earth, and what is the purpose of my life?”

Yes, I was a Christian since I was little; however, I still could not find answers to my questions.

Chasing True Freedom

Thankfully, I finally found the answers after I came to the US.  In my seventh year in the US, I learned my third lesson, that true freedom is the freedom to think for yourself and follow your own convictions.

When I was in China, because of what happened to me I felt shameful, felt like I was worth nothing, and I developed severe depression.

But after I came to the US, I went to seminary, and I met faithful professors who not only helped me understand the Bible in a deeper and more profound way, but also they understood me, loved me and accepted me for who I was.

Studying in seminary helped me find the answers to my questions. I understand that I am God’s unique creation, I am “I”, and I am precious in His eyes. All the things that happened in my life have the purpose to glorify His name. And God healed my depression.

Later, I realized that the deepest reason why I had these questions was that I was rejected, deeply hurt, and I was so confused. Because I was healed, felt loved, and fully accepted, I do not really need answers anymore for some of the questions I had before.

Well, I am not saying we do not have to study hard; I study God’s words all the time. I AM saying that I cannot know everything about God, myself, or this world, but I know enough. And with God, I can get on with my life.   

A Place in the Eternal World

Oh friends, I must stop here. If you have any questions about what I said, or just about me, please come and talk to me. Now, I hope you are now getting to know me a little bit more. I look forward to getting to know you as well! Have a wonderful day!

Through the things that happened and lessons I learned in my life, I realized how helpless we are as human beings, and how hopeless the world is. And my hope is not on this earth but is anchored in the eternal world where there is no decay, no sorrow, and no disease.

Most importantly, it is my faith in Jesus Christ that gives me a place in that eternal world. The hope that I have in Jesus Christ brings me joy, strength, and love that never fails. So that I can live my life on earth as it is in heaven. That’s why I said in the beginning, “In my life, I know nothing but Jesus Christ!”

Edited by: Hei Man (Grace) Yeung

陶珊珊傳道

【編者按】以下是陶珊珊傳道（新任女青少年代理傳道）的個人見證，最近分享給我們的青少年。原文為英文。

引言

我叫陶珊珊，來自中國。 去年八月我從德克薩斯州搬到波士頓, 在此之前我在德克薩斯州住了將近十年。此外, 我剛從達拉斯神學院畢業, 而且我和我丈夫八個月前結婚。 我是新任女青少年代理傳道。

今天首先我想給大家講幾個我的故事。 其次就像保羅在哥林多前書2章2節所說的: “因為我曾定了主意，在你們中間不知道別的，只知道耶穌基督並衪釘十字架。” 

我會向你解釋為什麼我說：“在我的生命中，我不知別的，只知基督。”我知道你們可能想說: “拜託吧，這是基督教的標準答案。我聽過無數次，我也可以這麼說。” 沒錯，但我們說出這句話來是想證明我們是基督徒，還是從內心深處說出這句話呢？

被基督徒收養

我出生的那年，中國嚴格執行獨生子女政策，而且我的父母更喜歡男孩而不是女孩。 所以，在我出生之前，我媽媽在教堂認識了一個家庭，她對他們說: “如果是男孩，我們就留下他。 但如果是女孩，你想收養她嗎？” 好吧，顯然這是一個女孩。 我在出生的第一天就被送走了。 但是，我對此非常感恩。 

我的養父是一個非常敬虔的人。我常常看到他睡覺前跪下禱告，晚飯後打開詩歌本唱詩歌讚美主。我非常愛我的養父母。 

富有不能給我幸福

然而，在我6歲的時候，因為種種原因，我回到了親生家庭。 這就像一本小說。 我的收養家庭很窮，但我的親生家庭很富有。 我的收養家庭住在一間條件很差的小公寓裡, 但我的親生家庭已經擁有兩座高樓建築。

我應該很高興能和我富有的家庭一起生活吧。但我很受傷丶很生氣。我只想和我的養父母在一起，因為他們所在的是我的家, 但我做不到。 

我學到了人生中的第一個教訓——富有不能給我幸福。我的親生父母在我8歲的時候離婚了，兩年後，我開始和爸爸一起生活，爸爸再婚。我爸爸和繼母都不是基督徒，所以很難和他們一起生活。

名利不能滿足我

我在生活中學到的另一個教訓是名利不能滿足我。我不知道現在在中國是如何的，但在我上初中和高中的時候,學校會在每次期中和期末考試後給學生排名。這些排名決定了你上高中和大學的位置。 

由於我的音樂天賦，我上了我省最好的高中和頂尖大學之一。畢業後，我成為了一名公立高中教師。在中國，人們喜歡在公共部門工作，那裡很穩定，福利也最好。在工作期間，我在歌唱和教學方面都獲得了很多獎項，所在的合唱團獲得了全國金獎。但是這一切的成功並沒有帶來快樂和力量，我的內心並不滿足。 

在我成長歲月裡的痛苦讓我對生活產生很多疑問，例如：為什麼這些事情會發生在我身上? 我是誰? 我為什麼會在地球上? 我生命的目的是什麼? 是的，我從小就是基督徒； 但是，我仍然找不到問題的答案。

尋找真正的自由

值得慶幸的是，來到美國後，我終於找到了答案。我在美國的第七年學到第三課——真正的自由是獨立思考和遵循自己信念的自由。

當我在中國的時候，我因發生在身上的事情而感到丟臉丶一文不值，而且得了嚴重的抑鬱症。但是來到美國之後，我去了神學院，遇到了忠實的教授。他們不僅幫助我更深入、更深刻地理解聖經，而且理解我、愛我、接受我本來的樣子。

神學院的學習讓我找到了問題的答案。我明白我是神獨一無二的創造，我就是“我”，在神眼中是寶貴的。我生命中發生的所有事情都是為了榮耀祂的名字。上帝醫治了我的抑鬱症。

後來我才明白，我之所以有這些疑問，最深的原因是我被拒絕了丶被深深地傷害了，令我很迷茫。因為我得到了醫治丶感受到了愛，並完全被接受了，所以我不再需要得到以前問題的答案。

我並不是說我們不必努力學習；我一直在研究神的話。我是說我無法了解關於上帝、我自己或這個世界的一切，但我知道的已經夠多了。有了上帝，我可以繼續我的生活。

在永恆有一席之地

我透過生命中發生的事和學到的教訓，意識到作為人是多麼的無助丶世界是多麼的無望。我的希望不在這個地球上，而是寄託在沒有腐爛、沒有悲傷、沒有疾病的永恆世界。

最重要的是我對基督的信仰讓我在永恆世界中有一席之地。我在基督裡的盼望給我帶來永不止息的喜樂、力量和愛。這樣，我就可以如同在天堂一樣，在地上過我的生活。這就是為什麼，我一開始就說過：在我的生命中，我不知別的，只知基督!

哦，朋友們，我必須在這裡停下來。如果你對我所說的有任何疑問，或者只是對我有任何疑問，請來和我談談。 我希望你現在了解我多一些。我也很期待認識你！祝你有美好的一天！

中文翻譯丶編輯: 楊曦文